Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes to Feel More Human, I Cry... Then I Realize It Does Not Quite Work That Way Day 2, 250 mg once a day. My boss, once again approached me regarding Stan. “Be nice to him,” he insisted. I change subjects, but they all end with “He deserves you being nice.” HP and HM also complained about us not talking. This is not normal. I complained that only they seem affected by this and not Stan; but they insist that men, especially ones like Stan, do not reveal when they are bothered by something. I cried. I cried not because of Stan. The pills. The sickness. The feeling of impending doom. And then, yes, Stan. I caught a student plagiarizing. Gave him a 30% and a “SEE ME!!!” comment. He saw it and burst into tears. I do not deal well with people crying. Men crying makes me feel empowered; others crying makes me uncomfortable. I was nice; I said the only thing he has to live with is that 30, but he shall not be reported further up there. Take it as a warning; next time do not tell me you were pledging a frat. I then found another pair plagiarizing. I cried again and wrote the most desperate email I could possibly write. To Stan. Then I went and had a donut. I came back, my friend gassed my apt with her farts, and I read a reply of Stan’s email. He wrote “there” instead of “their.” He admitted how much my friendship means to him. He said other things which were equally fantastic. I was giddy like a schoolgirl over that Edward fella from Twilight In Starbucks, Stan’s and my names are Edward and Bella. I wonder if they know that we fuck with them. Then I was happy, took a pill, and went to bed. I don’t see things that are not there. Yet. I feel so disconnected from everybody; it’s like I have a completely different conversation from people I converse with. Maybe my whole life is a hallucination? 1:53 a.m. - October 27, 2009 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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