Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else

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3rd Entry Giving You Insight On How Eloquent I Am Around People

Me and my Boyfriend were at a big store (which shall remain nameless) last night. We all know waiting in line is a drag, so we chatted to pass time.

Me: What do you think people will think of my purchase? (fishing line, razors, and lysol. not suspicious at all).
BF: That you will strangle and cut someone and then clean up the mess.
Me: Hmm I was afraid that would happen.
BF: But remember, you should cut the appendages off.
Me: Yes, makes it easier to dispose of the body.
BF: Pigs. Pigs are the best way.
Me: Yes, you starve them for a while, and then dump the "problem" into a pigsty.
BF: Don't forget to remove the teeth and shave off the hair. Pigs don't do well with that.
Me: Noted.
BF: Pigs are good in covering your "mistakes".
Me: Or cornfields.
BF: I guess you should never trust a person with a pig farm.
Me: Or a cornfield. Both of which I had.

At this point, the man in front of us turns around with an expression in his eyes that could only read pure terror and shock. This called only for one response on my side: I did the "I have my eyes on you/I am watching you" gesture (ala Robert De Niro in Meet the Parents) and winked. The men freaked out and turned away.

Is it wrong to mess with people in this way?

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An excerpt of the conversation with my boyfriend and his family.

BF+Family: You're extremely beautiful.
This is music to my ears. The egomaniac and narcissist in me approved of this comment.
Me: Why, thank you. I like to think so as well. (that last sentence might not have happened)
BF+Family: You're also extremely smart, aren't you?
Me: I like to believe so, thank you.
BF+Family: But usually pretty girls are not smart. And smart girls are not pretty.
Me: [silence]
BF+Family (confused): So how does that work with you?
Me: I guess I am a freak of nature.

The family fell in love with me.

1:34 a.m. - January 06, 2009

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