Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else

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He Was Drugged, But It Was Me Feeling The Effects

It was the butterflies that woke me up first. It was subtle at first- their wing flutter, but when I woke up, I disturbed the masses of sleeping butterflies, and soon the room was filled with them. Fluttering their colorful wings! All the colors of the rainbow! And then I panicked, unless something glows, our eyes see only B&W in dark, something's wrong! Feeling my panic, the butterflies panicked and they immediately started dying and their dried and black carcasses started falling all over.

Outside, crows were sitting on the tree and looking into my room. I hate birds. Oh I hate birds!

My anxiety is increasing. The feeling of impending doom is increasing. Suddenly, the ceiling feels as if its too heavy and about to fall on me. I know it won't, but the possibility always remains. My skin itches, I feel bugs crawling; I know there's no real bugs, but I can almost see them. I see shapes and my brain immediately fills in the blanks for me.

I get a text: "Someone slipped me X." But I interpret it for me as an explanation for butterflies. Problem: I was home the whole day. Alone.

I force myself to sleep.

I guess the second thing that woke me up, is the second wave of panic. Shapes were forming and dissolving. I am going to die, I announced.
"You are not going to die." I heard a voice. A shape materialized into a person. I almost recognized the silhouette.
"Who are you?" I asked. I knew he was not real, but knowing what my brain creates in time of despair is always fascinating.
"Whoever you want me to be." He said.
"Who do you think you are?"
"One that watches over."
The crows started flapping their wings vigorously, as I was panicking and my heart was about to jump out.
He puts his hand on my chest to calm my heart down.

I get a text: "My drink has been spiked." I interpret it as an explanation for my tweaking.

With his hand on my chest, he tells me things will be okay, it will pass. "It is just temporary. You will not die. Tomorrow, you will go to work. You will tell your doctor about this. And talk to someone about this."
I look at him again. I know who my brain made him look like. "You're the wrong person."
"I am the one who you feel is there for you the most."

The third time I woke up was for work. I come back to work and there's coffee and a sandwich with a penny taped to it on my desk. And a note from Stan. ""Everything tastes like metal, so why not lick the metal before eating the sandwich? This way, you will fool your brain into thinking that your favorite food tasted bad because you licked a penny before hand, and not because your medication makes it. Later on, you will not cringe when seeing that food again! - PS. Clean the penny, I found it on a floor."

I got a text from my bf: "I got drugged. My brain is in scrambles."

And while I was eating the sandwich (without licking the penny), I was recovering from my hallucinations and feelings of impending doom as my boyfriend who is 1000s miles away at the moment is recovering from being drugged.
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Hallucinations are not one of the side effect of the medications. They are a symptom.

9:29 p.m. - June 08, 2009

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