Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else

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A Lengthy Entry Not Really Explaining The Nature Of My Friendship With Stan

For the past couple days I have been suffering from a really bad cold, and Stan did the honors to announce to all my students and friends that I had the Swine Flu. Thank you, Stan, from the bottom of my swine flu infested heart.

As far as our something-ship goes, everybody asks anybody they can get a hold of what is the deal between the two of us. Are we dating? Are we doing it?... Why don't we associate with anybody else in the department? The answers: No, no, and because we do not appreciate people blabbering about what is not their business.

There is an obvious attraction between Stan and I, but we are not doing anything about it because:
1/ I make it a point to point out all the hot guys in the crowd, to make him jealous after he points out all the hot girls in the crowd.
2/ He makes it a point to tell me about all the girls that want to do him, to make me jealous after I point out all the men who want me.
3/ We work together, and it would be awkward to just "get it on" so soon in our career.

Week ago The door swings open and Stan runs towards me and holds me and hugs me and just won't let go and continues repeating today's mantra: "I am so glad you are here! I am SO happy to see you!!" He exlaims and continues to throw his 6'3" skinny but fit body. While I am enjoying all his muscles squeezing the life of me, I wonder... what is this? Is he on crack? If so, what kind of crack? Was it pure? Maybe the impurities are affecting his thinking... I guess we have to contact the supplier...

Later he tells me he almost died. Had a close call. And the only thing he could think of is how happy he is going to be if he just sees me once again.

6 days ago I come to work and on my keyboard there lies a drawing by Stan. It was a beautiful, dark, mysterious and at the same time a romantic drawing. He drew it the previous night just for me. I took it home and framed it; replaced the photo of me and my ex.

5 days ago "I do not understand why you have these classes. I can teach you for free. Me and my Speedos. It's not like you will become an Olympic Swimmer with that guy." Stan frowns.

2 days ago I announce how I overslept for my two hours of private practice with the Instructor. I hope he doesn't think I ditched him. I wanna continue this... private instruction deal. Meanwhile Stan tells me if I want to, I can lick and molest him some more.

Yesterday While teaching, Stan and I talked about life. He told me stories about his drug induced years. Acid. Shrooms. Naked bodies. People jumping out of moving cars. I do not have stories like this. I never did drugs. I have stories of breaking and entering. Joy riding. Sleeping under bridges. Talking to strangers and robbing them off their candy. He said he is going to pick a nice day, pick me up, and drive me to the woods. He wants to go on a nature walk with me, the whole day. I know that this is what he likes to do with girls he wants to have as girlfriends.
"I need to stop my slutty ways. I need to get a nice girl, you know, as a girlfriend." He smiles at me. He continues repeating this and commenting on how he wants a girlfriend. Someone who respects him.
"I do not respect you. In fact, I have lost all possible respect for you." I say. He drops his head down. He then continues describing the picnic in the woods. How nice he will make it.

Later yesterday "This girl in the study room, she looks lonely, I should fix this." He asks me to approve or disapprove. I walk by, glance, and gesture that she is so-so. He walks in, says couple words. I continue walking. Couple minutes later I look back just to see Stan leading the girl to his office; he makes a face when he notices my big grin.
I email him: Hahainfinity male ho.

Today "I am really sorry." He says for something I really didn't care for.
"Yea. So what about yesterday? I turn around, and whoa... you male slut." I comment.
He laughs.
"I thought you were looking for a girlfriend."
"I was. I didn't find her there, instead this lonely girl was there, so I had to do something about it." He looks at me as if seeking some approval.
"You know, each time we walk into a big room full of people, I scan through all the women for signs if you have been with them." I say.
"I do the same thing."
"Grow up. Get a girlfriend." I walk away.

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Seeing how we teach together, our teaching evaluations this semester will most likely feature: keep your flirting and touching to a minimum.

1:34 a.m. - October 19, 2009

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