Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else

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If You Understand Any of This...

I finally finished my application for the internship at DoD, internship I will most likely not get. My 2-page resume turned into a 4-page CV. I forgot all those awards I got. I forgot all those SCI-en-TI-fic publications I wrote. I am pretty sure there is some other dual-citizen who published one paper more than I did and his GPA was 0.01 higher than mine. He will most likely get the position.

"Do you mind telling me your GPA?" my boss asks and points at HM just in case it was embarrassing.
"4.0"
"Out of?"
"4.0"
"Grad school or undergrad?"
"Both"
"High School?"
"4.4"
"Out of?"
"4.0"
"?"
"That was my reaction too."
"I heard stories about you. Hating school. Skipping out on classes. Acting out…"
"Yea, but no matter what I did, I always had a back-up plan."
"Which was?"
"School."

See, I acted out. I did things normal people regret.

I wear my double breasted green hoodie that looks like a green peacoat from afar. Contrasting shirt/scarf and hat. Pink gloves.

I am quiet, people complain. I talk, people complain.

At the end, my boss complained and asked where my man was. I looked at him blankly and while questioning his question, I was slowly putting my headphones back in while looking at him. "Stan, where is he?"
Oh yea, that man… He left early.
"I have no idea."
"Where is he?"
"No clue whatsoever." I will never tell.
"You're hiding something."
"No way." He went on an early date with a girl who pays for everything because she's a rich doctor. Milk her while you can, Stan, milk it! Why do I support this?!
"Does it involve a woman?"
"I have no clue. Anything else?"
Silence. The boss smiles. Men are just… if it involves a woman, all of them leave early to please her. If I pulled that shit, leaving early for a guy, hell, I would've not heard the end of it. Oh he is gay! Oh, he is no good for you! Oh man, so many other potentials right here in the office! Oh man, we do not approve!!
"Did he meet her on online dating website?"
Actually… I have no idea. I know that they talked about pannuses.
"I have no idea where he is. But funny story about the dating thing!"

"Going somewhere?"
HM was putting his cozy hat on and the rest of his outdoorsie gear.
"Stores, grocery shopping."
"Stay."
"No way. I might not even come tomorrow."
"PORQUE?!"
"Going to do early shopping."
"Take me with you?"
"Hell no."
"Why so early?"
"I hate people, in the morning there's no people."
"ME TOO! But that's why you go shopping on Mondays."
"But tomorrow, there's discounts!"
"Take me with you?"
"I hate people."
"I will hug you."
"Don't threaten me."
I skip over to his desk and squeeze the living hell out of him while giggling retardedly.
"I hate you."
"I know… I know." I say soothingly as I continue squeezing him.
"You smell funny."
"That's possible."

Stan is off somewhere and I wish he doesn't know all this crap that goes on when he is not here.

Meanwhile I am sinking back deeper into depression that is most likely medication induced but not limited to just my unhappy mind.

1:09 a.m. - December 12, 2009

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