Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last Week I Was Told I Was Going To Die, Little Did I Know, I Was Dying, Died, Went To Heaven, And Came Back Grumpier than Ever...
Last Monday I was told I will die. They couldn't tell me how soon I will die and what will kill me. Ironically any testing done on me could potentially kill me. All I was told that the symptoms indicated a potential brain aneurysm or a tumor. That would do me. I prepared. I accepted (or denied) my upcoming fate and started getting things in order. My boss, my co-workers (STAN) wondered what was wrong with me since I was not my bubbly self, and based on my unwillingness to discuss things, they figured things out: something bad is going on with me. But no one was prepared for this turn of events: 1/ Wednesday. After a grandeur entrance, I start setting up a shop, and writing things of importance in my lab notebook. I got distracted by my pen, the ink wasn't flowing right, and I considered going to my office to get a better one.---
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!" I exclaim at the co-worker who never shows up except that day so he could hold my legs. I turn around and see my boss holding my head: "AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"
"Better question, do you know who YOU are?" The boss, whom I did not recognize at that moment, asked me. He had a point: I didn't. More people came in. Some people flashed their badges.
---
I was floating down the stairs and I saw an angel. He was tall, dark hair and blue eyes, and curls were coming out from underneath his hat. He smiled at me but he was more scared than happy to see me. I recognized him but all I knew of him at the moment was that he was my angel. I continued floating.
---
Apparently, while strapped into the stretcher and pushed into the ambulance with an oxygen mask, I was a classy lady: "Gentlemen, do you mind that I make couple quick calls?" They didn't.
---
In the ER I realized what had happened and I almost threw a fit when I realized that I was screwed. Hooked up to the IV, I was told I had a seizure in the lab. I cracked my head on the concrete. I beat up my back. My head was swollen, suffered a concussion, and my back was badly bruised. Probably collapsed a lung. Limited to the basic tests, they checked my blood. My first bracelet came about when I was wheeled in the ER. You know, the ID bracelet.
The second bracelet was bright yellow and listed all my allergies: MEDICATIONS.
The third bracelet screamed: WANDERER, and it was my badge of honor for asking every nurse and anybody who would listen: Can I go home now? Now? What about now? We do this test, and THEN I go home? Okay, see ya, I'm going home. Curled up on the bed and pitying my situation, I notice Stan walking into the ER. He hates hospitals. He was the Angel. After 8 hours of Stan making me forget how horrible my situation is, after 8 hours of him being the best possible man he could be, after 8 hours of nurses, doctors, me complaining and whining, and then this preacher lady praying for my health, the verdict came in:
"Since your extensive allergies to medications eliminates all the necessary testing we can do on you�. We just worked with what we had: from what we can tell, there's no internal bleeding�."
"I go home then?"
"Well� so these are not conclusive� also more importantly, we have results of your blood and urine test."
"I'm clean and not pregnant. I go home."
"Well� you are clean and not pregnant� however�. That's exactly the problem." And that's how I was told, that although I was epileptic, this seizure was unusual (didn't occur at my normal pattern) and an indication of a bigger problem. If I didn't have it, they wouldn't have found the little problem of mine, and I would have surely died within couple weeks out of something so extremely trivial that I still want to stab things just thinking about it.
WAIT� because there is more! Tomorrow I shall answer these: what could have killed me? Who is this hot nurse with CK underwear? And that hot ass resident? Was the cheeseburger good? (VERY!) What did Wednesday-Monday hold for me? Did I get the Internship at the NAVY? How much trouble did I get into???? (A LOT!) STAN and ME making out?!!!! STAN TOUCHING MY BREASTS?!!!! Am I happier now, a week later, than I was when I thought I was going to die?! (only slightly�)
2:42 a.m. - April 14, 2010
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
previous - next
|
|
|
|
|
|