Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else

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People Shift Their Heads to the Side In Confusion and Exclaim in Pure Disguist: You are weird!. I Smile back with the most genuine smile I can fake at the moment: OMG! THANK YOU! And walk away. What Might Be an Insult to Some, Compliments the Other

So my GTI (what I was hoping for but not what I expected; I hoped for GTI but expected a Jetta) got delivered this weekend. Before it did, I joked to friends that it will just grace my parking lot and everyday I will sit inside of it talking to it but not drive it. Foreshadowing? I spent my whole day today in DMV and such places, just to realize that I cannot legally move it out of the parking lot for at least another month. Some technical/paper work problems. Politics, and such.

---Al;djdadkdfuah what what?! ---

I am a whiny European. I am a freeloading European. But mostly, I am an adorable European. When I moved to USA at 12, I was the toughest, non-complaining, self-reliant, and classy kid you would've met. Then I realized something, people here do not appreciate those qualities. EVERYbody comes from a tough neighborhood here; EVERYbody had it tough; EVERYbody is just suffering. It's the economy. It's the wars. It's just this shirt you're wearing. Everything just sucks. So I realized, that if I whine, if I become just ten years younger in my emotional state, I'll do just fine. So I make faces, so I complain, and then I flutter my eyelashes, and I'm golden. I got Stan feeding me. I got my Boss doing whatever I say. It's great.*

Now, mark my words: if GERMANY does NOT win over Ghana… I will whine like no other.

Ah, I also realized that I kinda suck. I mean, really. No shit. I am a rude little girl. I mean, whoa, I would not want to be friends with myself. I'm still surprised how I don't get shit kicked out of myself on the daily basis…

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* I have a certain reputation in our department. I spit out papers/discoveries left and right. I eat chocolate (Chocolate and cake a day, makes a happy day) and whine, but at the end, my work is gold. I make few mistakes if any at all. However, I made a huge mistake. Actually, make it THREE. At the same time (THAT'S HOW GOOD I AM) and I kept making them for THREE days. I decided that instead of covering it up and fixing the problem, I'll fess up and THEN I'll fix the problem. So I complained. The standard: I am stupid, oh please be mad at me, I deserve it, I mean, I fucked up, you're completely right to be mad; at the end… at least I didn't cover it up, at least I owned up to it; oh I am SO mad at myself! While I went on this rant, my boss just smiles sympathetically and says: It's okay; no biggie; at least you figured out you made the mistakes after THREE days instead of a MONTH from now. He wasn't mad. I mean, he did have a point, I caught on… but… I wanted him to be mad. Because I make a mistake, you get mad, I suffer the consequences, and that establishes my boundaries, but he doesn't get mad, I have no limits, and I can commit more crimes without consequences… I was confused. This made no sense. But I enjoyed every minute of it. Yea, I smart enough to figure the mistake out… yes.

12:50 a.m. - June 22, 2010

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