Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Have a SHY Bladder, a Flat Tire, and an Awesome Boss Okay folks, buckle up, we�re in for a ride. Lady! The lady who is on the same peeing schedule as me! Yes, YOU! Woman, I don�t know if you�re torturing me, but you must be since I don�t understand your game. I tried to go at different times to different bathrooms, hell, even the one on the fourth floor where that light just flickers in this clich�-scary-movie way. And yet, yet you walk in at the exact time when my bladder is FINALLY ready to release. I take time, just for my SHY bladder, to clean up any previous messes, to line up the seat very nicely and evenly with toilet paper, to sit up comfortably and enjoy the environment� just so my bladder would de-shy itself. And, then� then you come in� break all the rules of bathroom etiquette. You land your ass right next to my stall, when all the other stalls are empty. I�m pretty sure your ass didn�t even touch the seat just YET when you already started your Niagara Falls of a pee ending in a fart. Thank you� THANK YOU very much, because now you know I can�t pee. Oh great, and you didn�t even wash your hands. Oh and try talking to me one more time and I swear to God, I will throw my Converse at your head over the stall. This is not a threat, it�s a promise.*** He had me in the headlock and I was just pretending to struggle to get out. I enjoyed it. From the corner of my eye, I noticed something in Stan�s eyes. It put me at ease because finally, finally I understood. He still loves me, not just as a best friend. And that pleased me. I let him continue choking me. *** He molested my bike today. Checking the shocks. The tires. The breaks. I told him, yes, go ahead, I know it�s not a $1,000 bike, I know it�s a Walmart bike, but it was free. Go ahead, make fun. He smiled, no no, I can�t, it�s like making fun of a retarded child. He continued pressing here and there. He said he didn�t mind me calling him sexy and admiring his butt. I said I didn�t and wasn't (LIES, ALL LIES). He told me my tire was flat. Well.. *** I was sitting ON MY DESK when the boss came in. �What you doing?� �You know, nothing really. Texting. Online browsing. The usual non-work.� I say this and that. �CNN?� �Sure, there was a squirrel raised by a cat .� �I�m bored.� �Work helps sometimes.� I offer. �So why aren�t you working now?� He asks. �I�m not bored.� I am not sure how I am still employed. Ah, the boobs. THANK YOU BOOBS! 12:39 a.m. - August 13, 2010 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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