Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- �I have a hair fetish. I like to play with men�s hair. To hear more or less about this and other things, call me. NOW.� - message to my best friend. I look at Stan�s curls. I am drooling. He complains they�re sweaty, but I don�t mind, I run my fingers through them, I pull and let go. Testing Hooke�s Law. �Enjoy while they last, soon, soon, I shave them off.� I dread the day. I hug onto the bagel sandwich, I am drooling over the sandwich and that�s when the IT guy makes his move, �Hey, we don�t have time to say more than just hi�s to each other.� Yes, genius, not that I really want to say more than that. �How about over coffee?� I grunt something about having a coffee buddy already. �Lunch?� Sure, and I squeeze my fingers into the bagel. �Today?� No no no, I need at least two days notice. Oh I am a bitch. Then he walks away chipper. The other IT guy sees me and drools, he holds up an orange in an offering motion. What�s with men and offering me oranges?! Stan and I are chummy chummy as we walk down the main hall and near our office and our boss� office. We hear weak �wait up� which I take as a cue to speed up and slurp louder on my iced-coffee. Finally Stan turns around only to hear: �No way, not you, her.� Stan smiles and touches me gently, �you�ll do fine.� I sip louder on the coffee and make it a point to nervously tousle the ice cubes. �did I give you my number?� the IT guy asks. I stick out my hand towards him, he stares at it confused, �Oh gimme your card,� I explain. Awkward silence. �I am not important enough to have one.� Oh� I tousle the ice cubes. So we punch in the numbers. He makes LUNCH PLANS loudly in front of my boss� office. I�m pretty sure Stan is standing right behind the door, laughing. �I don�t call, EVER, I don�t pick up calls, only texts please.� He thanks and runs off into his chippery way. I walk back to the office, Stan is on the floor rolling from laughter. I stomp on his foot. �I give the man some props, he aimed out of his league� ALSO, he had the balls to come up to you with me there, while� well, everybody thinks we�re lovers. I�ll remember to say that to him next time we�re at the urinals: yo man, you got some balls on you.� He laughs some more. Stan has a ball with this. Pun intended. I complain if he doesn�t stop, I will molest the living shit out of him at the conference. Blow his brains out (think sexy time not homicidal). Just one more word out of him about the situation, and I�ll have my way with him. He smiles: �If the other IT guy finds out� well, you just might have some double IT guy action going on. SEXY KINKY COMPUTER TIME�. Oh yea, overheating action. Holy crap, processor burned!� And he runs off. Hmm� I guess I have to molest Stan now. Him and his hair. Yes. I think it works out at the end. 12:20 a.m. - August 19, 2010 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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