Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else

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PART I: My West-Coast Trip

I need to tell you something, I say. He looks at me curiously but asks dismissively, Can it wait?
But it�s really important to me that I say it now, I whispered, but I did as I was asked and waited. And that�s when all the homeless people he wronged started stabbing him, and he fell, and bled, and didn�t look at me, and they just� continued stabbing his now lifeless body. I just stood there in shock� I wanted to say I love you but he didn�t hear me anymore. And I knew, that sometimes some things can�t wait.
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The upside of having Stan and I as employees is that we work a lot, and excrete perfection from every orifice of our bodies. The downside? We get moody and we crash, and when we crash, without as much as a day notice, we leave for periods of time to remote areas.

I missed Stan as he was camping with the bears. I hurt. Love hurts, especially if you cannot express it. So I left.

I wake up in JFK.
I wake up in the middle of nowhere of Oklahoma. There was nothing to do there.
I wake up in Denver. I mark it in my planner that this will be the place that I will explore in more detail.
I fly over the fires in Boulder.

I wake up in Vegas. I take a shuttle to a random motel that advertised itself as being located on the Strip, but it REALLY meant at the VERY END of the Strip which is surrounded by pimps and strippers and strip clubs and naked people on swings. �Young pretty lady like you should not be in Vegas without a man, you will be raped,� said the old man on the shuttle.
I walked back and forth. I got sun-burnt. My head spun from the overload of mismatched tackiness and colorful buildings. I was not allowed in Casinos; apparently my ID did not convince anybody that I was over 21. And I missed Stan.

I woke up with tears in my eyes and covered in cold sweat. It was 4 am. I had a bad dream about Stan. I cried and cried and then grabbed my phone and wrote an email. I laid all my cards in front of him. Yes, very high school. I told him exactly how I felt then and how I feel now. I ended saying that no matter what, I will always be his friend and all I ever want for him is happiness. Then, � then, I stopped crying. I pressed sent. I felt relieved.

I was ready to move-on.

11:48 p.m. - October 27, 2010

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