Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else

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A Three Act Play of a Lengthy Incident - adapted from my life

The Characters:
DoD shindig agency* � agency that sponsors this whole particular scholarship/award
Mike* � project manager (PM) with whom I interned at the Navy
Miguel* � project director/manager at The Organization*
The Boss � my research advisor
Bob* - previous post-doc in my program, now a PM at the Navy working along with Mike, and still being buddies with me and the Boss
Me � me

Prelude:
-->The Arranged Marriage:
The Boss promised me to Mike long before I even joined his group. I was supposed to be the star in this secret project of ours, and Mike was more than thrilled. Mostly because I am a twofer: the token woman and an expert in that field. The deal: upon graduation I give my soul to Mike. Seemed like a fabulous deal: JOB AFTER GRADUATION. -->Trouble in Paradise And then I actually got to meet and work with Mike, and suddenly I NEEDED another option for jobs. Mike... how to put this lightly? � is an angry angry man. He is ALWAYS right and everybody else is wrong and an idiot and he will not let you forget this even if you just wrote a 200 page proof of his error. Also, to show his superiority, he touches people to belittle them (you'd understand if you saw it).
-->Honeymoon is OVER And displeased, I started plotting a way to get out of working for Mike, without making him angry and throwing my Boss under the bus.
They forced me to apply for this DoD shindig, which, reluctantly, I did. The idea was that I win it, and get to work with Mike, without Mike spending a dime on me for couple years, and me getting a pay better than grad school charity. And in my infinite genius, I decided to throw it by writing the worst essay possible and hoping for the best: not winning the award.

So, this is how the award works:
Step 1: The DoD shindig agency looks at your application. They review it and decide if you're worth it. Thousands apply. If you're worthy, go to Step 2.
Step 2: Congratulations! Somehow you're one of the 500 people who passed. Now, all those facilities (Navy, Army... DoD cliques) that want you, call and interview you. If they like what they see/hear, they recommend you to DoD shindig agency. Now, you wait and move to Step 3.
Step 3:
a) You had an interview and you were NOT recommended. OR you did NOT have an interview. Damn, you suck.
b) You had an interview and were recommended. Geez! You're good! Pat yourself on the back. Give yourself a hug! Treat yourself to some expensive shoes. But wait a month until you do so, because this part means nothing.
Step 4: Month later DoD Shindig agency looks through all the recommendation you got, and decides if they still want to award you.
a) If they don't. You're done. It's not you, it's them. Really.
b) They want you to be one of the 100 people that they award, you got one recommendation, you are stuck working for the agency that recommended you for the amount of time they funded you (or longer if you decide to stay).
c) They want to award you, but you got more than one recommendation. Bidding war between agencies begins. The one with more power gets you, and you get to work with them. Sometimes YOU, yes YOU, get to choose which one you get to pick. But that sometimes almost never happens. You're just a pawn while the real pieces on the board do the jumping and check mating.
Step 5: You graduate with a PhD, get to work for the agency that funded you, and you live the high life. You lucky bastard, you!

Last year, I didn't even pass through Step 1. This year I ended up in Step 4c. I PRAYED I was not assigned to Mike, or stuck in a position where I have to pick between Mike or Miguel (the fella who interviewed me for The Organization. Instead... DoD shindig agency spared me the trouble and made the decision for me by assigning me to The Organization (EXTREMELY hard to get a job there... very exclusive).

and me and my Boss were in a pickle: how to break the NEWS to Mike without him getting a coronary and cutting all the very necessary collaborations we have with him? Or killing us...

12:13 a.m. - May 04, 2011

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