Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else

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The Day The Whales Got Own'd By the Sea Lions

It is not a secret that I do not like my neighbors and I have two major and very justifiable reasons for this:
1) sex
2) whale music.
Forget the awesome surround system they use to play war video games at 5 AM. Forget that. These two have sex non-stop. Every hour on the hour. Even at 4 AM. Okay, so hear me out on this one, I don't care if you have sex 24/7 or whatever... but you try to out-scream my blowdryer when I dry my hair... we have a problem. I mean, how the hell do I call the cops on this: “Yes, officer... uhm... so my neighbors are loud in having sex...” the dispatcher would laugh and say, good for them, good for them, and I'd come out as the sexually deprived spinster (okay so I'm not a spinster yet... just 26 yrs old here).

So okay, when they are NOT having sex, I assume they sleep. This exercise can be draining on a person. So, to help them sleep they put some ambient music. In their case, ambient means whale sounds. And that should be fine as well... but they blast that shit at full volume where I feel as if the whale was right in my face. Here's an example of what I'm talking about, but imagine it.... much much louder. It's like swimming with the fucking Shamu the Orca but for FREE... minus the actual water and orcas.

People think i'm crazy when I describe my problems... but then they come over and leave with strong feelings of empathy towards me and my situation. Nothing could've been done... until the sea lions saved me.

Filmmaker came over two days ago and decided to stay the night. Soon enough he realized that sleeping in my place was nearly impossible. He asked me how I deal... I don't... I just walk around sleep deprived. And then something magical happened:
he …
started clapping his hands as if they were sea lion flippers, ....
and started making scarily convincing sea lion calls.
He started off slow... and continued progressively louder and faster, imitating sea lion orgy.

Suddenly I found myself in a fucking aquarium.

I found this all hilarious but the receiving end (my neighbors) soon found this downright obnoxious, and quietted down. With their silence, the sea lion orgy on our end... slowly reached climax and ended.

The next day my neighbors shot me the most evil and confused look they could've possibly mustered. I knew what it meant, I won. I WON bitches.

Last night, I slept like a baby... Shamu had nothing to sing about.

11:15 p.m. - July 20, 2011

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