Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else


Sometimes I STRONGLY Dislike Some People, Like My Neighbor and Certain Car Owners

is possibly the best way to describe how I felt when woken up at barely 4 AM from my sweet and nice slumber. Merely five days later, and I still am not sure what exactly woke me up. Soon after opening my eyes, however, the banging on my door has followed the mysterious noises that woke me up. I didn't move. The banging continued. I groaned but still didn't move. Finally, after ten minutes, the banging stopped and super unwillingly and in a murderous mood, I roll out of the bed and tip toe to the door and look through the peep hole.

I barely made it to the door and I hear: "Baby! Baby!" - the most painful and emotional and LOUDest wailing possible. I'm still in a murderous mood. I look through the peephole. OMGFG! It's my asshole potential drug dealer neighbor standing in his boxers in his fucking door wailing after... I assume his gf. He is standing IN THE DOOR screaming towards the parking lot. "Baby! Baby! Baaaby!" I swear, I swear if I was just not terrified of this man, and if it were not 4 AM, I would have called the cops and grabbed my squash racquet (tennis and racquetball racquets would do as well) and took care of this ... "problem."

Eventually, seeing that standing in the doorway would not bring "Baby" back, he ran towards the parking lot and continued screaming... and waking the dead from their slumber.

I hate him.


When I woke up for the second time it was because like clockwork my cluster headaches got a morning start. So then I drag myself through the busy campus with sunglasses on, trying to avoid the noise, trying to limit the exposure to light ... exposure to ANYthing for the matter... my friend complains about this or other... who the fuck cares, all she ever does is complain. And she complains LOUDly. She wants everybody to know. Everybody.

And here I am, trying to avoid anything and just get my caffeine fix, when my superhuman observation skill struck gold: I notice a car key stuck in the passenger door of a Toyota Corolla circa 1995. OMG, how I hate ALL Toyota Corolla drivers. And this fucker left his keys in the passenger door. (Not inside in the ignition when only those who are LOOKING to steal a car would notice, but RIGHT OUTSIDE with a nice bright keychain...) And then there's me: I DARE to share this observation with my friend. All I wanted was a fucking coffee and instead we became the Good Samaritans and called the cops... you know, so nobody steals the car. So while we wait for the cops to drive three blocks to get to us, 20 minutes later the owner and his gf arrived. And BOTH of them re-affirmed my hatred towards Corolla drivers.

The guy at LEAST pretended to be grateful. The woman was just downright bitchy. Oh, I AM SORRY, that we prevented your car from being stolen. WE APOLOGIZE that your plan in getting a big insurance check failed. SORRY!



*DISCLAIMER: Some Toyota Corolla drivers, like my boss, I like. My dislike applies to all those who crossed my path and made me angry.

12:00 a.m. - November 07, 2011


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