Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Because I Felt Like It I was bored so I was looking through all the things I have ever written and saved on my computer (there are tons of stuff, that I lost... so yea). I thought it would be fun to include something that I wrote 4 years ago. At the time I just broke up with my substitute teacher boyfried and was working in a clothing store for little rich spoiled kids. I hate kids. Anywho, this piece I rate as the fourth best piece I have ever written: I had no idea. I�m not into that kind of stuff. I don�t know shit about AC. All I need to know is that I shouldn�t be freezing and that when the asked degree was reached the AC should shut down. Well, it didn�t. That I knew. I also knew that I was freezing. Too bad I didn�t have microscope. Why? I would put the particles of my frozen breath on the little glass, and zoom in to see the little snowflakes. I was cold. Outside it�s maybe 96 degrees in the shade, and in my store it was maybe 70. That ain�t good. And this is me speaking�a person who loves cold. Cold weather and cold attitude. Cold heart she also has. I didn�t know by how many. I didn�t know and that�s what I said. �I don�t know; I don�t know much about stuff like that.� He just looked down at me from the ladder. �One or two degrees?� He asked. I looked confused. Was he mocking me? Or was he serious? Mocking? Yea, that�s it. He was mocking me. �Are you mocking me?� �No, I�m being serious.� And that�s how he looked like, serious. I was silent. I still thought he was mocking me. Or at least he was being sarcastic. That ain�t right. It is I who should be sarcastic. I was voted for being the most sarcastic person in school. Who�s sarcastic? Me. He saw confusion in my eyes and cared to explain. �Human�s body doesn�t know the difference between one or two degrees, but if you stay long enough in two degree higher temperature you�ll notice a change. So again, one or two?� He was being nice. Speaking he was like to a child. Or mentally challenged person. Fast forward. �You�re mentally disturbed.� He was still there. Half an hour later. And still there. He was smiling but being serious at the same time. �Are you mocking me again?� I asked. Paranoia. Paranoia: a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others. Was he mocking me? Joking? He looked too serious to be mocking or joking. But then, he was smiling. �No. I�m not mocking anybody.� He stated the not so obvious fact. �I�m not mentally challenged.� �Did I say you were?� He asked. �Yes, you said I�m crazy.� �No, I said that you were mentally disturbed not challenged.� �Yes, that�s better.� Was I mentally disturbed? Maybe. But then, isn�t everybody? Mental: of or relating to the mind. Disturbed: to destroy the tranquility or composure. So, the tranquility of my mind was destroyed. True. That defines my mind. Fast forward. He was still there. The guy just wouldn�t leave. I could�ve kicked his butt and he wouldn�t leave. What about his sensitive part, if you catch my drift? Would he leave then? No, that would make him lie on the floor and not leave for another half hour. So, I was doomed. �No wonder you�re single.� He stated looking at me with a flirtatious smile. �I didn�t say I was.� �You didn�t have to.� What the fuck? �What the hell?� �Well, you said that nothing is holding you. You said you aren�t attached to anything. So, you don�t care about anything or whatever. Thus, you�re single. Having a boyfriend means being attached to and being held by something.� He explained. Thanks, I really needed that to be thrown to my face. �Ah, so why aren�t you a psychologist?� [...] Hey, maybe I am mentally disturbed. Or just suffer from ADD. ADD too much hyperactivity and MINUS tranquility of a regular calm and normally thinking mind. So, is this whole thing making sense? Hopefully not, because I�m trying to prove the AC guy right. Am I single? Yes. I don�t get attached to anybody. I like someone once and then I get bored and leave. I need something new. So I move on. Move away, move on, move out. No matter but I leave no trace. At least my heart and or mind erases the trace of the person and or persons. As if nothing happened. How many boyfriends I�ve been attached to at least for a while? Too many to count on your fingers and toes. How many friends have I gone through? Three times the count of your fingers and toes. Maybe you have four fingers and six toes? Don�t matter. It�s just an estimate. So don�t worry. I am not discriminating people with more or less fingers and or toes. I may have one or too many and or less of some things on my body and or mind. One thing that I know that separates me from everybody else is my originality. No, that ain�t true. I don�t exist in the world. I am my OWN world. Everybody else is not included. I am just this little narcissist and self-conscious person. Narcissism and self-consciousness are two separate but co-existing things. At least in my world. In my world where only I exist. Because I am the only one existing, I am not mentally disturbed, I am normal. If one is mentally disturbed but only one in the world, how will one know that he is mentally disturbed? He won�t. He�ll take it as normal. Thus, even mentally disturbed is normal. With that theory, I am normal because mental disturbance is the only thing I know. I don�t know how to live otherwise." 1:11 a.m. - May 12, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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