Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Because It's Their Fault I Am Depressed I know for sure that reason why I am so narcissistic and feeling so worthless at the same time, is because of my parents. I am narcissistic and so self-centered so everybody else noticing my greatness would jump on the bandwagon and praise me along with me. Just like those dance-starters at parties: nobody ever dances at a party unless there's this one first couple who starts the dance. But don't hate me because I think I am great; yea, I believe I deserve it. Everything that I accomplished, I accomplished thanks to myself and only myself (except getting to this country, that was my parents' idea). The only approval I ever got was from strangers, never from my family. So I will be darned, if someone says that after all I've been through, and after all I've accomplished, I do not deserve some recognition from others. I tried fixing the relationship that we had there (me and my family), each time I was turned down. So no more trying... when I become a great scientist, or even when I get married... I will send you a picture showing what you missed. Picture of me getting my diploma, picture of me getting married, or even picture of me and my BMW. Yes, that will be my "F**k you" note to you. All children, not only me, deserve some love and attention from their parents. I never got it. If I did, it was a negative type of attention filled with supreme negativity. Case 2: Third grade. My parents got me roller skates. My dad told me he doesn't have time to teach me how to roller skate because he's got business to attend (drinks with friends), but he offered a "friendly" push. I broke my right arm but didn't tell anybody. Over a week later, my teacher noticed how I was unable to hold chalk in my right hand, and sent me to the doctor. They had to rebreak my arm. I begged the doctors not to give me a cast because my parents would kill me (they didn't but instead beat me senseless). Reason why I didn't want my parents to know? Because I knew how'd they react (read in parenthesis). Case 3: Constant putting me down... constantly. My parents wouldn't teach me to drive because according to them any retard can drive except me, because I am way retarded. I transferred from a hot shot university in Boston to a small college in PA because I rather go to school which offers to pay for me and has a better chemistry program, than a school that makes me pay $40K a year, and their classes blow ass. But of course, my parents didn't see it as that, according to them I am a drop out (?! I am still in school with 3.8 gpa!). Also, I am the lazy bum who's constantly on drugs. Yes, on prescription medications. And lazy? If being a full-time student, working for the school in my free time, TA-ing two classes, going to work at the chem company after school, and writing articles for a newspaper every week is being a lazy bum... then, I am a lazy bum... and freaking proud of it. Case 4: Are you serious? Do I need more cases to prove my point? My point is, my parents don't care about me, they don't even know what my majors are, so... no wonder why I strongly dislike them and want nothing to do with them. And because of their negligent parenting, I am depressed no matter how much I succeed in about anything and I need constant reassurance that I am just as great as the person next to me. 10:20 p.m. - March 11, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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