Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "I want to do something I've never done before." Please tell me how much I dislike Stan. Someone needs to speak some sense into my brain. Scream it. Punch it in. I don't care how you do it, but my sick obsession with this man has to end. Love. Call it what you want. I don't want to be in love, enamored, and/or obsessed with him. There are so many better suitable men for me out there. People who don't wait around and take their goddamn time. He makes my life miserable and then � I look at his angelic face... his blue eyes. Everything is forgotten. * * * My brilliant idea for the proposal is too brilliant. I just now realized that. I wanted to make NO impact on anything or anybody. Just exist. Was that too much to ask for? Instead not only do I solve unsolvable equation, I prove complete wrongness in years of chemistry done on one compound, but also I publish papers every month. What is this? My brain hurts. * * * I have cluster headaches. They call 'em suicide headaches and I know why. The pain is so intense that on numerous occasions I thought of taking a power drill and drilling it through my temples. Pi style. But I never succeeded. I was in way too much pain to go to my tool box. Them people with cluster headaches, they put them on suicide watches� I live by myself. No one to suicide-watch over me. Instead I am put on antidepressants. Easy way out. NO one is responsible. They tried. I still refuse to get the lumbar puncture, PET, CT, or MRI scan done to make sure that no tumor is growing out there. Or some brain parasite. Infection. Brain eating Amoeba colony. Genius potential revolt. Nauseating. Does anybody understand me?! 1:54 a.m. - March 24, 2010 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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