Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else

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My favorite polar bear died. I went all the way to Berlin to see him when he was born... four years. Poor little guy.

At the same time, I realized how vicious Stan is. It almost made me hate him. There was a student interested in my group, asked me a lot of questions, I was all nice and all, and then I noticed his arm. Or rather, the fake plastic arm. Instantaneously, I felt bad. A deep feeling of empathy fell over me. But I treated him normal. I told Stan this, how sad I was for the kid, and Stan... blew up at me. He scoffed I should not feel sad because he is a human being, and should be treated like the rest of us. Blah blah. I was confused why I was being lectured in such a hostile way since all I said was that I felt bad for the kid. Then, �you know, I question myself how those freaks shorter than 5'5� exist and how do they survive on daily basis, but they do, and I try to treat them like human beings!� Oh you sad despicable human being, a direct shot at me (I am 5'2�). What crawled up his ass?!

I always ignored his little eccentricities, because I am not quite all there either, but I don't think I am AS evil as he is. Ever since I got a boyfriend (who, alas, lives in a different state...) he became bitchier than ever. He knew the chiller was broken, but instead waited until I found out and spent a week on my knees cleaning it while he was tanning his white ass in Cali. After I fixed it, WHO WAS THE FIRST ONE TO USE THE LASER? Not me. Then immediately when I used it, I found ANOTHER part that was broken, of which, again, he knew. So as I struggled to fix it, he watched on sipping his coffee. Gloating.

He tries to hug me, but I move away. He tries touch me, but I move away. So we work in silence. And when I do talk to him, he gets snappy. I roll my eyes.

I'm tired of him acting like a jealous loser, where if he can't have me, no one can. You had me, but you lost me, so fuck off.

Nonetheless, he is still my friend and I still care for him, but he needs to get over his period.

1:28 a.m. - March 27, 2011

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