Because It's Better To Be Irrational With Me Than Rational With Someone Else


I Am Addicted

12:30 AM, Sunday June 3rd, 2011. My phone is ringing and my brother looks at me questionably. “I think I am getting drunk dialed...” I run away with the phone to talk to the caller. FILMMAKER. “Stay, I wanna hear!!” - my bro exclaims.
“Hey [my name]!” The Filmmaker exclaims completely excited to hear my voice.
“Heeey...” I am confused.
“So, are you waiting for me Downtown?”
“No.” And he knew it. I told him earlier that me and my bro decided to stay in and just watch movies. So what's the point of this call?
“Good!” And he follows to explain how for a project they are going to the woods now, starting a bon fire and filming some short. Son of a bitch called to make me jealous.
“Oh great, here I thought you were just being polite to let me know you won't be Downtown, but instead you called to make me jealous.” I laugh. I was JEALOUS.


Couple days earlier I asked the Filmmaker if he would be willing to go bowling with me and some of my coworkers. I told him he can invite friends (I knew they were his security blankets). I told him he can bail out after agreeing. Instead, Friday comes... and he tells me his friends bailed out on him. I see, so that means he won't come... but he did... and decided to pick me up. WELL DOWN THE DRAIN WENT THE THREE HOURS I spent in my shorts and a bikini-top waxing/detailing/vacuuming my car. I even did a tire shine!!!

His car smelled heavenly (credit goes to his cologne and Fabreeze – car edition).

We chat left and right and we just don't shut up. Nobody exists. It is just me and him until I discovered Steve in the car.
“STEVE, shut up, can't you hear I am speaking to a lovely girl here?!” He shouts to...

At the bowling alley, sure we were with my coworkers, but we might as well have been alone. It was just me and him. Nobody else existed. We were in our own bubble. Then my brother arrived at home and we needed to bounce out of the alley.

We took a detour to my lab. I wanted to show him my laser and all my chemicals and shit. We run in the empty building. This girl who hates my guts noticed me and to be a bitch I waved, Filmmaker waved, but I grabbed him by his hands and I say: no waving, and just pull him by his hand and we run run run run run we were so into into each other. We go to the lab, he is all over the laser stuff. He is so in love with the idea of lenses and filters and mirrors and stuff. I showed him an IR detector and he was looking at me through it and we were so close so so so close and I wanted to kiss him so bad and I almost did.... but instead I showed him some liquid nitrogen tricks and he was in awe and I wanted to kiss him so bad as I threw the stuff out of the dewar and it shattered in its frozen glory. I wanted to kiss him so so so so bad and he wanted to kiss me so so so bad... and my brother called asking where I was and I say, brother brother i'm stuck in traffic and my brother, how come I don't hear the traffic? And I say, because it is so so so slow...

then we run run run out the lab and we pass people who stared at me and we run past them and jump into the car and drive to my place. And once he parked in front of my place he made the unfortunate choice of parking behind my brother, and I couldn't kiss him goodnight and we just sit there and sit there thinking what should we do and my brother observes... and then.. I go for the hug... “Fuck this, I can't kiss you but I shall hug you.”

And we were hooked. Since then we non-stop converse. Call. At any hour of the day. Trying to figure out how to meet alone. He suddenly grew some balls.... and it was lovely lovely it was.

But no, when he called, I wasn't supposed to meet him or wait for him. He wanted to brag to his friends he had a girl he could call to. Yes. That's what it was. Or he was just being polite. But no... I like him like him so so so much. And I am extremely ecstatic...

6:30 p.m. - July 04, 2011


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